@jyushikun: sometimes i'm afraid that when i depend on others or talk to them about really... dense stuff, like stuff that makes me feel terrible, or like, when i really really need help and i'm super emotional and stuff... that it annoys people. so i don't really have that many people to talk to about it. :| i've kind of become really dependent on others, since for such a long time, i had to deal with all of this alone, and no one really understood what i was going through. at school, i try and cover things up too. i mean, sometimes i just let go and be my sad little unhappy self, but that's only when something gets me REALLY down. i consider myself an artist, so I know what that feels like. i love photography. i try and channel all this emotion into my photographs. for me, emotion = creativity. the stronger the emotion, the more i have going for me, even if that means the strong emotion is utter despair and sadness. i find things that are sad more beautiful than things that are happy. rain, tears, solitude, nostalgic places, etc... when i see that in art, i find it breathtaking. i mean, sometimes feeling lonely all the time becomes a really big burden, and i can't stand it. sometimes i really really need people with me. i understand that people are there for me, and that i have people that love me, but the thing is, when i need something physical, like a hug or just someone to sit face-to-face with me, i have no one to go to. we all live far away from each other. hahah, i hardly have spare time. i check PC every day, just to see what's going on, but i've nearly abandoned it at this point. i spend a lot of time on tumblr, which is where i do most of my mental rantings, and just doing homework. i have a photography class this semester, and that helps, but if i do have any spare time, i'm either eating, sleeping, or doing something artsyfartsy.